Novel Dreams

As a child, I always dreamed of writing a novel. I wanted to be like my hero Tolkien. Write a fantasy novel set somewhere wonderful, full of action and adventure and danger and monsters.

I tried several times, to write a novel. I would write whole sections of it at school, between lessons, on trains. But I never got anywhere with them. I still have them somewhere, scribbled scraps of ideas.

I went to uni, and put my dream of a novel to one side. I wrote more poetry, and short stories for the modules and received good grades for them. I wrote a short story about robots and trauma and got it published.

When the visual impairment came in third year, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to write a novel anymore. I lost confidence; in myself, in my writing, in my abilities. But I wasn’t alone. I had some excellent lecturers and friends, who supported me in so many ways. I started writing again, in small bites.

I was doing a flash fiction module at the time, which really helped. I could write small stories, try new things, rebuild my confidence. Of course, they were mostly about eyes and norse gods, but it didn’t matter. I was writing again and enjoying it.

At a flash fiction festival, I first heard of the novel in flash. It sounded perfect. A novel written in pieces of flash fiction, to make up a longer story. It seemed possible. Not too big. Broken down into bits. I could do this. I could take my time, write it slowly. Inspired, I tried it with an old short story that wasn’t working out. And I loved it.

I originally only meant it to be 5000 words. That seemed possible. But I loved the sci fi world I created and was having fun with the characters and enjoying the story. So I kept going. I hit 10,000 words. It grew larger, over that Christmas, spreading wings, helping me stay positive in the festive period.

I joined a writing group just before the pandemic, as they offered online writing retreats every weekend. They supported me and motivated me to keep going, and to finish a story for once. They offered tips and tricks to stay concentrated, and even to share sections for others to read. I kept going, reaching into 15,000 words, doing small chunks every weekend. The novella got me through lockdowns, and endless job searches, a cup of sunshine when my mind only produced rain. I had something to look forward to every weekend. I made new friends, and tried new challenges, explored different ideas, and made something of it.

That summer, a friend on the group read it, and suggested some changes. I worked on it, altering the story into something completely different, fuelled by the loss of my grandmother around the same time. I kept going, adding more norse myths and death and action. I kept hitting new word counts, as it grew even bigger. I was having fun, with science fiction with the story and the characters took me to new places. I was supported and encouraged by friends on the writing group, and I felt unstoppable.

And now today, I can say I have finished the first draft. I reached the end of the story. It needs some serious editing, but I actually completed it. And with all the things I have gone through over the last few years, thats something to be proud of. When the visual impairment first came, I didn’t think I could write more than 10,000 words. But my novella is now at 44,527 words. I didn’t think I could write a novel, never mind finish one. But today I have fulfilled a lifelong and childhood dream. I’m so happy. I’m so proud of myself. In the words of Back to the Future, “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything”. It’s true. Anything is possible.