Sometimes, I just need a quiet day. A day to rest, and recharge, usually a Sunday. Time to myself, to rest, and recover from all the anxiety and insomnia of the past week. Its supposed to be a day of rest.
Today, I needed one of those days. I felt bad, for saying no to going out for lunch with my boyfriend. But I just had no energy, was exhausted, and just wanted a day to do nothing. Headspace says its fine, but I felt guilty, when I just needed some space. He can be a little clingy sometimes, and wants to always be doing something, especially at the weekend. But I get tired sometimes, and just need an afternoon to listen to music or watch tv, or write pieces like this.
But even that was unachievable, as my mum decided to pour all her worries into my cup, when I was on empty. And now her anxieties have been compounded into mine, a muddled mess of fears and doubts that make my stomach turn. And are too much, overwhelming me. I ended up doing extra meditation, and hiding in my earphones with some music that I love.
I don’t understand why we always need to be busy, to be loud. And I’m not an introvert. I do go out, and have fun. But I do need a day to recover. And in the weekend, I need a small slice of time to myself, so I can face the week ahead with energy and ideas. But nobody else seems to understand this. Even when I communicate it. So I end up in this never ending, anxious loop, on a Sunday.
