This time of year, I’m thinking about religion, and faith. I’ve struggled with it for years. But I think I’ve finally found an answer.
When I started losing my sight, I lost my faith. I used to be Christian, and sung in a church choir for years. When my sight started fading, I looked to God for help and support, but found none. Instead, I found Odin, a Norse god who looked like me, who understood what it was like to be partially sighted person, and lived life to the full. He really inspired me, as I saw how it could be done. And with Odins help I finished my degree, despite the diagnosis in the final.year.
I find the Norse ways kinder, to me, to partially sighted people. Christianity forces me to change, preaching miracles about curing sight and canticles of sin. But Norse accepts me as I am, not minding my failing sight, inviting me on adventures and sagas, never asking me to change a thing. Odin is my friend, the Norse always beside me, through thick and thin.
I’ve struggled with faith for years. But recently, I’ve let my anger with God go. I realised I don’t need it anymore. Perhaps because it has been five years, and I’ve changed and grown since that first diagnosis moment, that Christmas when I looked for God and he didn’t show.
And I’ve realised that I do have faith. I have faith in myself. I’ve endured a lot, since this sight loss journey started, and know I can always make it through. Even if sometimes, it doesn’t seem like it. And I have faith in music. In writing. In nature. In the simple beauties of life that never fail to make me smile, like daffodils or the taste of strawberries, the sounds of the sea or just a big cheesy burger. I have faith in the kindness of strangers, that always meets me with accessibility when I get stuck. I have faith in my friends, always there to support me. And I have faith in the stars, the moon always returning, the stars always singing.
Perhaps this is another stage. Perhaps I can have a better relationship with faith. And I have plans, to make my life more Norse.
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