I’ve been playing the clarinet for a long time. And during that time, I’ve played a lot of music.
I have a few favourite genres I like playing. Movie soundtracks, or pop songs are always fun. Or a good musical, when those appear at wind band. Classical is a mixed bag – some I love, some are so complicated they make me cry, and some I’m not sure of. Occasionally, at wind band, I’ve played jazz music, and I’ve always enjoyed them.
I have a soft spot for jazz, something I discovered at the beginning of the year, and am loving it.
Recently, I saw a jazz course in my local area, a chance to play more of these wonderful tunes, and went for it. Usually I dither about something before I book. But it sounded perfect, and I was assured it would be accessible, and made for any grade. So I went for it. And it was incredible.
The three days started off great, with sunny weather and some sighted guiding to the room I’d booked on site. I had a lovely meal, and made some new friends, chatting about music and life, and then went to a concert.
At the concert I met the course tutor, a man called Marco Marconi, a man made of music. A man who had talent beyond your wildest dreams, who played like I’d never seen before, improvising creating, inspiring. He played many jazz piano pieces, some I knew, some I didn’t, and his passion for jazz and music was audible in every note.
The second day started with a delicious breakfast, and chatting with new friends. I then headed to the practice room, only walking the wrong way once, to attend the sessions for the day.
It was a small group, but I was still a little nervous. Its always a little nerve-wracking, when you join a new group, wondering if you’ll click, if your songs will sing with the others. But they usually do. The music community is one of the friendliest, and most welcoming.
I’d asked for large print music, and it was there, large enough to see, no problem. In fact there was one piece that was too small, and they just made it bigger in a lunch break, no fuss, no questions asked, just made.
I got comfortable, taking up space, working through things as we warmed up. We played Sway, and Perhaps Perhaps, songs I knew well, and I was about to start again when he threw a surprise on me. We had to improvise a solo, create something in a gap, for a few bars. I’d never done that before. I don’t get solos, on third. And at wind band, everything is so structured, so precise. Although sometimes I do some, when my eyes blur notes. I tried, but was nervous and shaky and unsure, and my first try was a mess.
But Marco saw something in me. He told me to not be so afraid, of making mistakes. To embrace life, to give it a go, to let go of fear. And in a coffee break, I did. I listened to others, saw how it was done, and tried my own takes. I felt the stories of soul and bossa nova, and told them my own way, fingers fluttering over keys, and growing in confidence every time. I grew my wings, and with each solo I let go of fear. And it felt wonderful. Like a weight lifted from my chest. As if I had been holding to a lead balloon but now it soared free, lighter than air. And I wondered why I had, for so long, when there was so much joy and wonder in the world, and in music.
Marco, and the others encouraged me, supported me, praised me. And as I took on giants and improvised, (even on Benny Goodman) I felt like I could do anything. Even the monster of Tico Tico was no challenge, all doors open, as the world revealed its wonders, and I saw why Marco loved jazz so. For it was a cocoon of creativity, where no notes were too high, no ideas too small, and where anything was possible, made of a thousand stories, where my voice could be heard. My last on the second day was the best, where I let rip, eyes closed, open to the universe, and just played, rhythms rippling and fingers flowing. And I loved it.
The third day, we did more of the same, and I was buzzing with a new excitement for life, as my soul sung over a pool of possibility, of dream and invention, of story and samba. Its something I took away, still with me, and it has made life easier.
I learned how to improvise, something I’d never done before. And I discovered I was rather good at it. For you needed no sight to do it, just a heart of music and an open mind. And I enjoyed it.
Marco’s philosophy of not being so afraid of making mistakes is one thing I’m taking away. To not be so afraid of life. That’s what I am going to do. And I’m excited, to see what it may uncover. I don’t know if this is a new me. But I like it.
