I used to hate wearing pink. As a child, I wouldn’t wear it. My mum would choose items for me, pink dresses and tops. I would always prefer blue or green. Any colour but pink. The pink items she bought me went unused, never worn, never even touched.
Looking back, I’m not really sure why I hated pink. Perhaps I thought it was too girly. Perhaps I thought people would make fun of me. Perhaps I just didn’t like the colour. I would wear the pink things for dance, the light pink ballet tights and pale pink ballet shoes. But that was different. I chose to wear those. And I enjoyed wearing them, in my dance classes, having fun with friends and learning new things. But outside of dance, I hated pink.
I would kick up a fuss, if I had to wear pink, even if it was the palest pink on earth. I remember refusing to wear this one coat that was a sort of peach colour, even though it was freezing outside, recoiling in disgust at turning up to school in pink. My mum got me a blue one after that, and I was happy. I felt comfortable in blue. I still have that fleece somewhere, the navy one without a zip.
Over the years, I have learnt to like pink. I used to be blue. I liked the colour. I felt comfortable in it. But after a while, it made me feel blue, the dyes sinking into my soul. The monsters in my mind grew as I continued to wear blue, making my mental health worse and arguing that I could never try anything else.
I had been blue a long time, over a decade. I wanted something more colourful in my life, to cheer me up, improve my mental health. Something different. It was time for a change. So last year, i began the shift to other colours. I went on this new mindfulness course about taking charge of your life, with new tips and approaches that have helped me a hundredfold, and helped me build on my confidence. I tried reds and oranges first. I bought a thousand socks in crimson, scarlet, vermillion, saffron, amber, all with animals on to make me smile. I bought a range of spotty shirts and flowery dresses in reds and oranges that I liked, finding a love of colour and a new sense of excitement in life along the way. I found amethyst scarves and violet blouses and lavender socks, working my way up to pink slowly month by month, even when the shops closed and I had to order online. (I actually prefer that, as seeing labels and sizes on clothes is tricky for me these days without a magnifier). I even changed the decor of my room from blue paint to a jade green, violet curtains instead of the old faded sea blue ones. And I felt a lot better, knowing there was more to the world than blue, that I could try new things. I’m still working on that part, trying new things. But I like being colourful now.
These days, I don’t mind pink so much. Perhaps its to do with age. We all change in life. Nowadays, I have more pink things, deep coral tshirts and rose pink socks with penguins on, and deep salmon coloured checked blouses. I recently bought a pastel pink hoodie, to replace a dark blue one I’ve had for years. Nowadays, my choices are more if I like the style, or if it’s comfortable, instead of what colour it is, like it used to be. Recently, I ended up buying a very deep pink raincoat, thinking it was red, my eyes misleading me. But I don’t mind, as its a great raincoat. Today, I sit wearing a pink blouse and a pink hoodie, with other things on my mind. I will quite happily wear pink for now, it’s bright colour making me smile.
